I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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