You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
