my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
