all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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