Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
