you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
