You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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