3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
