I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
