Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
