She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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