My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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