i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
