she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
