new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
