Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
