dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
