you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
