he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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