im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
