You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
