so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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