I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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