You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
