one might say we're banned from that church
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
