if you like me you must not know who I am
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
