I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
