There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
