i always forget guys have bellybuttons
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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