i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
