We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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