Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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