This dress was meant to end up on your floor
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
