I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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