It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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