You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize