I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
