Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize