Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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