It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
