they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
