He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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