yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
