Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
