bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she told me i tasted like america
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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