I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
