I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
