My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
