During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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