Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
