Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
