I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
