she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
