i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
