so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
