so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
