Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
