loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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