ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
