all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize