It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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