pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize