I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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