i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Found your dick twin last night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
