I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
