And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
