is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
