True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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