I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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