I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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