Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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