before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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