Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
