Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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