he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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