I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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